Saying Goodbye

Sorry, this is going to be kind of a more personal post for me. A few people, but probably not most, know that my grandpa in Japan is dying. We found out last month that he has gall bladder cancer and they only gave him a few months to live. Last Friday he contracted Pneumonia and was given only 2-3 days. He's still hanging on though but barely. My mom flew back to Japan yesterday to be there and say goodbye. Today she called me to tell me that he's really struggling and is unconscious. Even though he's unconscious, he still tightened his grip on her hands as she talked with him. We're supposed to call him later to say our last goodbyes and I that's what I'm having trouble with. How do I say goodbye?

There are so many things going through my mind right now. He's my only Grandpa that I've known. He is someone that I look up to and deeply respect and love. He is such an accepting and loving man. After my my mom married my dad (an American!) my grandma was furious and my mom was almost ostracized from the family, it was my grandpa that spoke up and said he wasn't going to send away his only daughter. My mom said that before he lost consciousness, he told my grandma that he has lived a wonderful life with her and that he is so grateful for it. (That's huge since in Japan they don't really show any sentiments) He has always been a gentle and loving grandpa. He is someone that we all look up to. He is someone that I want to name a son (our next one, if we ever have another boy) after because he is a great man and I want him to be remembered.

Not only was he such a loving person, he was also so generous. Him and my grandma have always helped us. They always encouraged us to go for the very best and showed us how through their example. They help those around them and he influenced all that came in his path. It's like my what my brother, Robert, says "he is such a wonderful example of love and charity."

My grandpa is someone that has been a survivor and a constant throughout my life. He fought in WW2 as a pilot and was even shot down and killed, but yet he decided not to cross the bridge to join his ancestors and instead decided to live. He built his company from the ground up to have the third largest construction/architect company in all of Japan. He has fought and survived two other cancers before this third and final one. Some of my earliest memories of Japan are of a hospital where we would visit him everyday while he went through treatments for throat cancer. He is a hard worker and a very studious man. Even after he retired he would continue to wake up everyday and go to work for a half day instead of a full day. He continued to read every morning and learn and expand his knowledge.  With all of his amazing life accomplishments he is still a humble man. I guess part of my problem that I'm having is that after him surviving so many things I figured he'd always be here.

I am really happy that we were able to go to Japan to visit my family last year so they could meet the kids. My mom says that while she was visiting this July my grandpa always talked about the kids and Jed and how much he enjoyed having us there. One regret I do have is that I wasn't able to really get to know my Grandpa. Since his English is limited and my Japanese is even more limited I have never been able to have a heart to heart conversation with him. I know this is too late, but I decided in honor of my grandpa I'm going to learn Japanese again. (I'm also tired that when people ask me if I speak Japanese, my response is "my husband can") But if nothing else, my hope is that I can help to pass on a little of my heritage onto them and they can feel closer to that part of them. People need to help me with this too! I need someone to keep me on this goal.

 I know it's not a sad thing for him to pass on. He won't be in pain anymore. He'll be with his family. I will get to see him again. He will be greatly missed though. I love you, Grandpa, and thank you for your wonderful example and life!